


can you hear my heart beating?

by adorechan



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Character Death, M/M, Mutually Unrequited, Summer Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:08:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21686560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorechan/pseuds/adorechan
Summary: this is a story about me, kim mingyu and jeon wonwoo.spoiler alert: we didn't have a happy ending.
Relationships: Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	can you hear my heart beating?

**Author's Note:**

> this is a rewrite of Toki Doki kind of i guess idk just I WANTED TO WRITE THEM AS WONWOO AND MINGYU I STAYED UP SO LATE MAKING THIS AND I HOPE ITS GOOD ITS THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS I ACTUALLY WANTED TO WRITE SO!!!
> 
> READ TOKI DOKI TOO BTW I CRIED!!!!!

hello there. my name's mingyu, and i'm going to tell you a very important story. so here's how it goes.

-

_this is a story about me, kim mingyu, and jeon wonwoo. this is a story about how i died on the school rooftop, without even completing highschool at the ripe age of seventeen. i died with an idiotic smile on my face and a heart full of happiness. this is a story about how jeon wonwoo died with a satisfied smile on his face, peacefully passing away in his bed._

_he had no regrets. i had one._

_i should have kissed him on the rooftop._

_-_

in my second year of highschool, jeon wonwoo transferred to my school in the middle of the year. he was uptight, cold faced and had no friends. he always sat out during p.e but had no reason for it. rumors said he had an undisclosed sickness.

i was just a normal kid who was good at socializing with my peers and who made a good use of every experience. i joined the light music club when i started highschool. i was interested in jeon wonwoo, the boy who didn't have friends and who sat out during p.e. it was just a small interest that would go away with time. maybe i thought he was pretty. 

in the middle of july, fate had intertwined our paths. i was heading to the infirmary to skip class like i usually did when math was coming up. i hated math with a passion although i was decent at it during the exams. i had opened the door, without knocking, and saw jeon wonwoo stripped down to his boxers. i nearly screamed. he did.

i closed the door instantly, exclaiming that i was sorry. we were both embarrassed. i mean, i was gay and totally interested in him. he was half naked. i said that i didn't see anything yet, i saw everything.

his naked figure didn't bother me. it was the eerily familiar heart monitor on his chest. 

-

somehow, we made it up to the rooftop together. i don't know how or why. we just were there and we talked. 

"do you know what the koku haku disease is?" he asked me.

"yes. a famous celebrity had it and died." i replied. ~~i have it. i have it. i have it.~~

he explained it to me and i felt my own heart stop. how could he have this horrible disease? no one should have to go through that. ~~i was. i didn't want anyone else to suffer. i was the one in the million who had this disease, he shouldn't have to suffer too. how did this even happen?~~

"here," he said, handing his phone to me, "this is how many heart beats i have left."

i looked at his phone, the large number displayed on the screen. over 221 million left, yet i knew that was only a short amount of time. only 6 years left.

the only thing i could think of during this time is how much he talked. he seemed like a talker yet he had no one to talk to. it was nice that i was seeing this side of him even if it was in a bad situation. i was a fucking fool. 

the only thing i can really remember him saying to me was how he regretting spending his life. he wanted friends, happiness, love. he wanted to experience life yet his disease prohibited from doing so. he wanted to live, yet was this really living?

"if things keep going on like this, i would prefer to live my life out with every second i have left. but, i'm afraid to do it because my lifespan will shorten." is what he said to me. i could vividly remember these words and the look on his face. a sad smile, with eyes full of regret and pity. 

he told me to forget about every word he said, and was about to leave. 

i thought that he looked so sad in this moment as he was talking to me. 

right before he left the rooftop he said to keep it a secret.

and like the idiot i was, i screamed out to him,

_"were those all your true feelings? if they were, i'll help you! i'll help you enjoy your life to the fullest and make your heart beat like crazy!"_

_i was a fool, wonwoo. forgive me?_

_-_

first, we went to the beach the day that the summer holidays began. it was hot and the water was cool. wonwoo's bathing suit looked cute on him, i had to admit. he had no shirt on and had left his heart monitor aside in his bag. i was scared that he was going to drop dead but it was just me being paranoid for no reason. i was stupid.

he told me he had never known the outside world. only going to school, staying at home and going out as little as possible is what he said his life was like. i felt pity for him. yet, it was just so he could live a little longer than normal. i didn't say anything when he told me these things. i didn't know what to say. 

"is this really okay?" i asked him while we set up a spot on the beach.

"its fine. don't worry about it, really. i knew that sooner or later i'd be doing something like this." he assured me.

"plus, you have treated me so kindly. you're the first person i've told about my disease. you make me feel normal. you really helped me feel like a human again. so thanks, mingyu! you've made me really happy." 

_so this is how wonwoo looks when he smiles, i thought._

_he looks beautiful._

"wonwoo, lets look for some seashells!"

-

i took him every where. the amusement park, which he told me on every ride that he could feel his lifespan shortening. i just laughed it off. the zoo, he said he liked animals. bowling, a haunted house, an arcade. anywhere that piqued our interest, and everywhere he had never been before.

i felt bad, though. he had seemed to uptight and hard to get along with at first but he was just shy. once he was comfortable with you, his true colors showed. he was bright, talkative and could makes jokes right alongside me. he had a good personality and yet i was the only one who saw this side of him.

i wanted to see every side of him. i wanted the world to know the jeon wonwoo i knew. 

_we had so much fun together. i never wanted our days like this to end. yet, they had to despite my wishes._

_my wishes never came true._

_-_

"summer's only just begun, wonwoo! we have to do everything. there's a fireworks festival tomorrow, wanna go?"

-

"ah, i forgot to ask. what is that in your hair? a clip?" i asked one day when we were in a local garden.

"its a guitar pick i made into a hair clip. its from my first pick from a long time ago."

"you play the guitar?"

"i... used to. my dream was of becoming a famous singer. this is the first pick i ever bought. its special to me. i even used to write and compose songs but i gave up on that..." 

"its such a waste! i wanna listen! please wonwoo- please~!" i begged him.

"i don't know..."

"its a chance to feel excited, to play in front of others! its gonna be an experience you can add to this journey we're going on!"

"really... since you've said that, i guess i should show you.."

we went to a karaoke bar that had their own private instruments you could rent out. i was so excited and he was a bit nervous. 

i sat down, waiting for him to set up and once he was ready he nodded his head and began.

the first chord was struck and knew this boy was a musical genius. then, he started to sing. it was beautiful, better than my own horrid singing voice. i fell in love with it. 

_i love your voice, wonwoo. sing again for me._

_-_

i introduced him to our light music band. 

"this is our bassist, vernon. our keyboardist, jihoon! he's also my childhood friend. and our drummer, seungcheol. i beg you wonwoo, please join us and sing for our club. there's only the four of us..." 

"fine, fine. only since you're begging me." he replied, and grabbed the guitar i was holding out.

he began to sing and i could tell the other members too were falling in love with his voice. just like i had.

it tugged at our heartstrings and brought tears to our eyes. it was mesmerizing. 

"you have a great voice!" vernon excalimed at the end of his performance and i couldn't help but agree.

"please! be the vocalist in our band and join us!" i begged.

he hesitantly joined and i felt like i was on cloud nine.

_your voice gives me goosebumps, wonwoo. its making me fall in love with you._

_-_

we practiced everyday for the upcoming summer school festival. it was hard but worth it. we were all so excited to play together. then the day of the festival approached. 

i was so happy.

jihoon wasn't.

wonwoo was nervous.

seungcheol and vernon were too.

it was the best and worst day of my life.

_sing for me wonwoo._

_-_

"i'm so nervous!" wonwoo cried, his knees shaking.

"you should go take a breath of fresh air." i suggested and he nodded, heading off.

"don't push yourself too hard, gyu." jihoon said to me.

i shrugged him off, "i'll be fine."

_fate never wanted us together._

_-_

"ah. its so windy out here!" wonwoo said, looking out and around at the festival.

his hair pin was loose, and got tugged away from his hair. 

"fuck- no!" he cried, trying to grab it back, only to fail.

he ran back to us, a mess even worse than before.

"m-my pick, its gone! it blew away... aaah.. what should i do? its important to me, i was gonna use it as a good luck charm during the performance..." 

"don't worry, wonwoo! i'll look for it." i exclaimed, a smile on my face.

_"gyu! you idiot!"_

_i know, jihoon. i'm sorry._

_-_

_it should be around here. in the bushes, right?_

~~_aw man. its getting hard to breathe. i shouldn't have done this._ ~~

_if its for wonwoo, i'll find it for sure!_

~~_my lifespan is shortening._ ~~

~~_am i going to die?_ ~~

_oh. here it is._

~~_sorry everyone._ ~~

_"jihoon, can you tell wonwoo to meet me on the rooftop? and give this back to him."_

_"you stupid idiot."_

_"i know."_

_-_

"thank you jihoon! but, where's mingyu?"

"... he won't be coming, wonwoo."

"what?"

"he... wont be coming on stage."

"jihoon?"

"you should know this. he has the same disease as you. he told me to let you know. go to the rooftop quickly, okay?"

he scrambles from backstage, up to the rooftop. he's sobbing.

_sorry wonwoo._

_-_

i stood on the rooftop, leaning against the railing and across the school. 

"why are you so pale, wonwoo?"

"you know how... if i just input your name into this app, it'll tell me how many heartbeats you have left?"

"oh, yeah. i know, wonwoo."

he looks at the phone.

_1,264_

_1,262_

"why...?"

"... i see that he told you, huh? i only have like fifteen minutes left. when my parents found out, they had my entire family pitch in to buy this expensive heart monitor that i could attach to my body. they told me i could live my life however i wanted but they weren't happy about it. i didn't want to tell you because then you'd hold yourself back, right? i was surprised to meet someone with the same disease as me, haha. you told me how you felt and i felt the same. i wanted to live life the way i wanted. if i were to die, i wanted to live a life full of excitement. so, i dyed my hair and joined the light music club. its.. why i wanted to cheer you on. thanks to you, i've had so much fun in my life. _**thanks, wonwoo!**_ " 

"idiot."

"c'mon. what are you doing, hugging me? go down there and play. for me, okay? we put in so much effort for this, i'll be listening up here. its gonna be exciting singing in front of a crowd, 

_that's why, let me hear your singing."_

_-_

he went back down, tears in his eyes and played for the school.

for me.

it was amazing.

full of emotion.

_"such a beautiful voice. i should have kissed him."_

_i'm an idiot._

_-_

i, kim mingyu, died at 17. before i could even graduate. on the school's rooftop, listening to the boy i love sing. i left this earth with an idiotic smile on my face and with one regret.

jeon wonwoo graduated highschool and became a singer and song writer. he was popular and shared his illness with everyone. he sang for me, and for others. he sang songs and gave courage to others. she kept singing and living out her dream until he was 21. he died in her bed, age 21, having lived out her dreams and with one regret.

**_i should have kissed him on the rooftop that day._ **

_maybe we were both idiots._


End file.
